Wooing

Wooing… whatever happened to this seemingly ancient ritual of the dating dance? Maybe you don’t remember what it is? I guess it’s not just for dating. Maybe if the art of wooing were more prominent, things would look very different in relationships today. As one that is still in the dating game, I can tell you, it really is a dying art.

It has been proven over and over again as I dance through this dating game that I may be a little old fashion in my thinking. Or maybe I am one of the last surviving members of the romantic types. I love to be wooed. I love to woo. I have some theories on why this is a dying art form.

1. Wooing takes Communication
In order to be able to woo, you must know your subject matter. You must open up the lines of communication to ask questions. To dig deeper. To find out things that really make your partner tick. What are their interests? What do they like to do? What are their favorite meals? What do they think about when their mind wanders? Favorite wine, beer, go to beverage? What is their favorite book? Movie? All these things are so easy to find out. ASK! Then listen. Now, I am not suggesting that you make a list and start peppering your date with all these questions. That takes the next thing…

2. Wooing takes Time
We live in a world of instance gratification. You want something, go out and buy it. You need information, google it. We want it, it is expected to be at our finger tips. Kinda like toddlers looking at candy or toy…. You’ve all seen the look in their eyes. That “oooooooo, I like it. I want it. I’m gonna take it” look. I know this all too well. Patience is NOT one of my finest virtues. Ok, it’s not a virtue I have in my possession at all. I am an instant gratification kinda person. Very VERY guilty of wanting it and wanting it NOW. So this is one of the things I have to put reins on. So when I find myself reaching for that candy, I try to stop myself. Tell myself that all good things come to those that wait. Then start to twitch! Hey, I never said I was good at it! Just that I am trying to be BETTER at it.

3. Wooing is an Unselfish Gesture
There are things that I have done to woo, that would not interest me in the least. There are books I have bought for another that I had to ask where they were in the store. There are things that I have had to google because I had no idea what they were. I am not saying that you need to change yourself to be more liked. NOT AT ALL. Just because I don’t like that certain wine you like to drink, doesn’t mean I drink it! (Silly… I would buy your favorite bottle of wine and one of my favorites as well!). It is more of a gesture of kindness. Like gift giving. I can remember when my kids were little and we used to take them to the dollar store to shop for Christmas presents. They would walk through the store, picking up certain items and they would get that look in their eyes. I would have to remind them that they are picking out gifts for others, not themselves. Think about the other person, I would encourage. Then on Christmas morning, I couldn’t wait to open my gift from them and ask them what their thought process was on why they bought me what they did. Side Note: I have kept every gift from my kids. I know the story behind each one.

4. Wooing is Being Vulnerable
This I think is the big one. All the other points tie into this one. Being vulnerable is so very hard. I know. So do most of my friends because when I feel myself being vulnerable, the voices in my head start getting louder. I find it easier to talk it out with a friend. They get to see my completely illogical side. Those voices in my head are not nice. They question me. They tell me that maybe I am not good enough. They whisper about all those times in the past I was vulnerable and things turned out less than great. So that piece where you want to show someone that you are interested, that you want to woo them, it takes a great deal of bravado to do so. You do something nice for another, then hope you heard their message right. Here’s an example of what goes on in my head…
Him: I’m more of a white wine drinker
Me: What kind of white wine do you like?
Him: (offers up some suggestions)
Some time passes… and I find myself inviting him over for a glass of wine.
Scene: standing in a liquor store
Voice 1: so many choices to choose from
Voice 2: you know nothing about white wine
Voice 1: it can’t be that hard. Ask someone
Voice 2: told you that you knew nothing about white wine
Voice 3: stop standing here staring at the wine. You look like an idiot
Voice 1: seriously ask someone!
Voice 2: what made you think you could pick out a white wine he would like
Voice 3: Why don’t you just leave?
Voice 1: message him and ask
Voice 2: told ya, you didn’t listen to him closely enough

And that conversation goes on. Or it used to. Now… I take my phone out, ask what kind of wine he would like. I ask the dude standing at the counter that probably knows no more than me. And you want to know the outcome… he says that whatever wine I pick is fine. He would have drank the red. He was just looking forward to spending time with me. Ugh. As one of my girlfriend’s said when I was using her to think logically for me; “it’s easy to be logical if you aren’t the one falling”.

 

My point in all of this is, wooing works both ways. I love to be wooed. I love to woo. I am just sad it seems to be a dying thing. Wooing is not just for new couples or dating. Wooing is for couples that have been together forever. It’s the nice gestures that have you offering a little piece of yourself to another. To show that you care. To show that they mean something to you. To show that you want to get to know them better.

I put this out on twitter…

I got a response that us women have made it difficult if they (the man) doesn’t look like a biker off the Sons of Anachary or that we are annoyed with the wooing attempts. I read that this poor guy had put himself out there, only to be squashed like a bug. Poor guy! I also had a conversation with a follower that wooed his wife to get her AND still woos her to keep her. He also quoted some Shakespeare using my name in it and I can see why his wife is head over heels in love with him! Yes, some of us women eat that up like candy! We talked a bit back and forth about the times we wooed or were wooed. Back in high school I had a boy write a song for me (swoon!!). He told me about the love letters him and his high school sweetheart exchanged daily. It’s that kinda of stuff that makes my heart pick up a beat. The stupid little things that show you care (or in my followers words… get you laid). Either way, wooing plays an important part for me.

So please, stop overthinking and just show her/him that they are important enough that you will woo. It might just have you holding the prize at the end!

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Debbi Serafinchon Written by:

Just an average ordinary woman being herself on this crazy ride we call life. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I chose to bring along 4 crazy side kicks on this journey, my 4 kids. The actual realization of my journey began after my divorce. Hindsight being what it is, I realized before my divorce I was just going through the steps. My eyes are now wide open to the path ahead of me.

2 Comments

  1. SumGuy
    January 5
    Reply

    Sometimes…. we give what we get

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