A friend has brought it to my attention that my blogs have taken a sad turn to them. That I seem to be writing about heartache or loneliness lately. I couldn’t disagree. My blog is a place I can write out my thoughts. Where I can play with words to make sense of what is going on in my head. And well right now, that is what is going on in my head.
Please don’t think for one minute I don’t have happy things in my life! Oh my GOODNESS!! Where would you like me to start on that topic? Even though my kids drive me crazy, I love them to bits! Even though I struggled to find a job, I embraced the challenge it brought. Even though I write currently about missing that someone special in my life, I enjoy what I have immensely.
But I started this blog so that I could show you ALL aspects of life after divorce. And some days it truly does SUCK! I don’t always have a smile on my face. Life is not always rainbows and lollipops. And I don’t for one second I regret my decision to end my marriage! I would be in a worse state had I stayed and things continued the way that they did.
That is the whole point! When something in my life is not quite right, or something seems to be absent, I MAKE CHANGES. I can almost guarantee that as the caterpillar is morphing into the beautiful butterfly, those changes are downright ugly! And the struggle that one goes through from one area of their life to the next can be just as grueling and painful. I have some experience on that last part. And it has not always been pretty!
But I have made those changes for no one other than me.
So right now, one part of my life is in a cocoon. Morphing. Painfully going through the phases it needs to in order to gnaw its way out of that protective cover. Self-growth is never easy. Putting one’s own self under the microscope to exam they areas that no longer suite or benefit them is a very hard thing to do. But it is not in a resting state. HELL NO! It is a twisting and turning that is going around in my brain as I look for solutions. I am mulling over the state I am in, in order to change what I need to.
I’ve never settled for status quo. I am not about to start now. So please don’t think for one minute I will be this sad or this lost for long. This part of my path is just a little overgrown with trees, shrubs and other obstacles in my way. Soon I will once again be strong enough to lift that hatchet and start whacking my way again.
But right now… I am right where I need to be.