I’ve never been good at being a follower. Never been good at just doing something because everyone else was doing it. I’ve tried, I really have. But I always end up frustrated and walking away. This includes any crowd; friends, family, work, parenting. The list goes on and on.
I’ve never been good at holding my tongue. Minding my manners, if you will. If I disagree, don’t worry I’ll let you know. It feels like I’m gonna burst when I do hold back. Like a cannon just waiting to go off. “But I HAVE to say it” is what my brain thinks. Then my mouth opens and it feels like the flood gates open. I’ve shocked myself with what comes out sometimes! It’s like “oh shit… can you hear what you are saying?” But the words just tumble out. I don’t think I was born with that filter thing some people have. Mine is missing. Gone. Nadda. Not there.
Some people enjoy my blunt honesty. Others, wellllllll…. not so much. Sometimes even I don’t enjoy it. But I can guarantee you one thing, you will never have to guess at what I am thinking. NEVER. Because, trust me, I’ll tell you.
So mix together not being a follower and not holding my tongue and sometimes, ok most…. Alright! Fine! ALL the time, I find myself wondering how people can just follow the crowd. I mean, you ALL agree this is a good idea? I’m the only one that doesn’t buy into this? REALLY???
As the years go on, I have noticed one thing. Almost always, once I am off to the side, being a nonfollower, at least one person will approach me and admit, they didn’t agree with the crowd either but they couldn’t stand up and say it. That use to make me mad! So you just sat back and let me take the heat for not agreeing. All by myself?! While you were thinking the same thing???? But the other thing I have learned over the years, is not everyone can stand up and say something. I’m not really sure why, I’ve never been in their shoes. Maybe they fear rejection. Maybe they fear they are not strong enough to go against the grain. Maybe they fear that the idea they have is better and they will have to lead. I am not really sure what it is that keeps people following the crowd even though they disagree. But I know I am not one of those people.
In some ways I admire those that can just follow the crowd. Because on the outside it looks like they are all getting along, having fun, working cohesively. But are they really? If I disagree, there has got to be others. Others that are just following the crowd because it is easier. Biting their tongue and not letting their flood gates open. I wonder what that’s like, on the inside for them?
Again, I don’t know. I’ve never been one to just follow or hold my tongue. Just know that I have tried. It’s just not for me.