Nonfollower…. Right Over Here!

I’ve never been good at being a follower. Never been good at just doing something because everyone else was doing it. I’ve tried, I really have. But I always end up frustrated and walking away. This includes any crowd; friends, family, work, parenting. The list goes on and on.

I’ve never been good at holding my tongue. Minding my manners, if you will. If I disagree, don’t worry I’ll let you know. It feels like I’m gonna burst when I do hold back. Like a cannon just waiting to go off. “But I HAVE to say it” is what my brain thinks. Then my mouth opens and it feels like the flood gates open. I’ve shocked myself with what comes out sometimes! It’s like “oh shit… can you hear what you are saying?” But the words just tumble out. I don’t think I was born with that filter thing some people have. Mine is missing. Gone. Nadda. Not there.

Some people enjoy my blunt honesty. Others, wellllllll…. not so much. Sometimes even I don’t enjoy it. But I can guarantee you one thing, you will never have to guess at what I am thinking. NEVER. Because, trust me, I’ll tell you.

So mix together not being a follower and not holding my tongue and sometimes, ok most…. Alright! Fine! ALL the time, I find myself wondering how people can just follow the crowd. I mean, you ALL agree this is a good idea? I’m the only one that doesn’t buy into this? REALLY???

As the years go on, I have noticed one thing. Almost always, once I am off to the side, being a nonfollower, at least one person will approach me and admit, they didn’t agree with the crowd either but they couldn’t stand up and say it. That use to make me mad! So you just sat back and let me take the heat for not agreeing. All by myself?! While you were thinking the same thing???? But the other thing I have learned over the years, is not everyone can stand up and say something. I’m not really sure why, I’ve never been in their shoes. Maybe they fear rejection. Maybe they fear they are not strong enough to go against the grain. Maybe they fear that the idea they have is better and they will have to lead. I am not really sure what it is that keeps people following the crowd even though they disagree.  But I know I am not one of those people.

In some ways I admire those that can just follow the crowd. Because on the outside it looks like they are all getting along, having fun, working cohesively. But are they really? If I disagree, there has got to be others. Others that are just following the crowd because it is easier. Biting their tongue and not letting their flood gates open. I wonder what that’s like, on the inside for them?

Again, I don’t know. I’ve never been one to just follow or hold my tongue. Just know that I have tried. It’s just not for me.

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Debbi Serafinchon Written by:

Just an average ordinary woman being herself on this crazy ride we call life. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I chose to bring along 4 crazy side kicks on this journey, my 4 kids. The actual realization of my journey began after my divorce. Hindsight being what it is, I realized before my divorce I was just going through the steps. My eyes are now wide open to the path ahead of me.


  1. myitguy
    July 19

    People fear being alone – it’s that simple. Following mean not being alone at least on the surface. The problem arises when people that follow realize that what’s on the surface can change in an instant and then they’re alone again. So they become yes people, lackeys, people that bury their feelings. They become the appologizers, the conciliators, the emotional sinks for their friends, SO’s, spouses, whatever.

    So don’t knock the ability to not follow. It serves well because there’s always a time (sometimes most of the times) when there’s nothing to follow but your own dreams and desires. If you can’t plot your own direction, you end up just rowing in a little circle filling up your boat with your own tears.

    • justmeDebbi
      July 19

      Thank you for that insight. I don’t believe I own a bail bucket.

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