I had a girlfriend (we’ll call her girlfriend A) message me the other day asking how another girlfriend (this one can be girlfriend B) was doing with her online dating. A wanted to know if she was running into the same ‘interesting’ kind of guys she was. I had to giggle a little because I had just finished a series of messages to B about this very topic. I have never hid the fact that I tried many different online dating sites over the course of 6 years to find the ONE. The conversation between B and me went something like this:
B: And now we have the sweaty pits portion of my day. Not working out… ONLINE DATING!!! Send me strength & confidence!
Me: What do you have to do to get a beautiful garden full of gorgeous flowers? WEED
This is not the first time a friend has come to me with this kind of statement about online dating. If you have never tried online dating… well, lets just say it’s a very interesting journey. You really do have to have a tough outer shell. And you really do have to weed… a lot!!! Like I mean every day you are out in the garden with the hot sun beating down on you kind of weeding! Everything from the annoying ‘winks’ to ‘hey baby… you’ll do’. Just ick.
Now because of my weeding, I managed to have a few dates with some great guys. But they weren’t the ONE. I thought I had met him shortly after my divorce but it turns out that he was only Mr. Right Now. And that was ok. I wouldn’t change it for the world. We just had different paths we eventually had to take but our time together was fun and I really enjoyed it. I sincerely hope that he has found someone that will give him what he is looking for.
On the flip side, I had a few dates with guys that were nothing like they portrayed online. It happens. After a meltdown or two on why on earth I attracted these kind of men, I pulled myself together and tried again. There were a few times I swore off online dating (I learned that valuable lesson of never say never. Sigh). I would open an account on one site to shut it down weeks later after the only ‘hits’ I was getting was from the ones who’s profile pictures looked like mug shots and the only messages they knew was ‘Hey Sexy… wanna hook up?’. (In online talk that means lets bump uglies and never talk to each other again). So over the last 3 years, I would diligently put my profile together, cruise through the profiles, send out a few thoughtful messages with limited return on my investment.
Then I noticed a very handsome looking guy. I actually can’t remember if he sent me a message or I sent him one first. At this point it doesn’t matter, just that it did happen. We exchanged messages a few times over the site. I was at my ‘get me off these freakin waste of time sites’ moment again so I told him I was closing my account and here is my phone number if you are interested. Not sure if I shocked him into messaging me or not. But again… at this point, it doesn’t matter because he texted!! We texted back and forth a while till I pushed him a little asking him if he was going to ask me out on a real date. He laughed and wondered why it had to be him to ask. I responded that he was the male and so it fell into his realm of duties. Did I mention I am a little old fashion in my thinking when it comes to dating?? So he asked me out to dinner. Now wait a minute here… dinner?? I was used to the coffee interviews and here this guy was asking me to dinner! He got a few points for that move!
With a date set up that I was actually looking forward to, we continued messaging. Then the big day came. I was looking forward to meeting this man. His profile was interesting, he actually had taken some time to write a few interests on it! He was quite good looking in the pictures on his profile. Yup, I was looking forward to this date. After introductions, the conversation flowed naturally. We talked. We laughed. We had fun. This was a date that I actually didn’t want to end but I had the teens at home, so after a couple of hours, I said I had to leave. He understood. There was no awkward ‘so do you like me’ statement made (unfortunately, I am not kidding as this really does happen). He asked if he could message me again. As I got in my truck to head home, I was giddy. I liked this guy. I mean, I REALLY liked this guy and wanted to learn more! I didn’t need to wait long to find out he liked me too because before I even pulled into my driveway, he messaged me to say he really enjoyed the evening. Well then…
We set up another date for a couple of weeks in the future because of holidays and such. But that was too far into the future because we had a couple impromptu dates in between that time. Apparently we both were a little impatient on this.
Well that was almost 3 months ago. He has very quickly and quietly become a huge part of my life. We spend endless evenings together just being together; shopping, errands, my kids’ sporting event, a couple birthday parties, dinners out and dinners in. I can’t imagine him not being a part of my present and future, which we talk of often. I have told him I have decided to keep him and he said that was good because he isn’t planning on going anywhere. AWWWWWW we are so sappy!!
The morale of this story is… I am glad I didn’t listen to all those people telling me to stop looking so hard and let it find me. I did what I have always done; I got up off my ass and went looking for what I felt I deserved. And I am so very glad I did.