(Lack of) Dating in Your 40’s

Let me start off by clarifying that I completely understand I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I get that not everyone will like me or find me intriguing or interesting. Now that being said let me get to the bones of this blog…

I went out with a girlfriend last night to a Black Tie event for a rodeo that is coming up. It was to raise funds for the benevolent cowboy fund that the Canadian Finals Rodeo supports. Great cause. Lots of great auction items and dinner was very good. Lots of people in attendance. Both my girlfriend and I got all fancied up because well, it was a black tie event. We looked pretty good (if I do say so myself). We are both in our 40s. We are both single. We are both average woman with careers and hold down our own (thank you very much). So my questions is… WTF men?

Now I am a friendly person. I smile a lot. I will talk with those around me. I am generally a happy person. Here I was all dressed up, hair looking fabulous I might add and not a single man in the place approached our table. Granted there were quite a few couples at this event but on the ride home, I got to thinking about this. The last time I went out (down in Phoenix with a girlfriend to a bar), same thing. Well minus the one douche that I had an inkling was married but was determined that I come see the gorgeous suite he had rented for while he was down there playing golf. I could repeat this scenario a few times on a few different occasions for you but I think you get the point I am trying to make here.

I have done my research on the whole single in my 40 scene. I’ve read articles on how to be more approachable with people (because apparently smiling at them and making small talk is not fucking working). I’ve sat back and people watched. I’ve been the approacher (in case those men were all scaredy cats) and seriously I am bewildered at the results.

Now I am not a bombshell or anything like that. I am seriously just your average 45 year old woman. And I know this because I checked. The average sized woman in Alberta is a size 14. I am a size 12. I had a good career (till a couple of months ago) and will again. I have a great smile (this I am going on by the fact that I have been told this many times). I am talkative so not afraid to start a conversation and can hold my own in an intelligent one at that. I am witty. Well my friends think I am, they laugh at my jokes. So what gives? Why am I still making plans to go out with the girlfriends on a Saturday night??

I dug a little deeper on Google to see if maybe it was a buyer’s market for men (that was meant to be funny by the way). And I discovered that nope, the ratio of men to women in my province is pretty evenly split… a good 50/50 ration. I found a number of articles that suggested if you wanted to find a man to come west. Well, here I am LIVING IN THE WEST. These articles also suggested that the ratio might be slightly higher to my advantage in more rural areas. HELLO???? I live in said rural areas. The articles also told me that I live in the province with the highest number of divorces in all of Canada (nothing to brag about unless you are a divorcee yourself in the single scene).

So let’s add up all these ratios and percentages and I can’t help but wonder…. WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN THINKING THIS WAY. According to all the results of my very elementary research, I should be going on dates, many dates (one would think that anyway). But there I was on a Friday night after getting all dolled up to end my evening at home to look at stats on why I was heading home to look at stats!lots of me

Now keeping in mind my very first statement, I get I am not everyone’s cup of tea. But am I seriously NO ONE’S cup of tea? And if that is the case, then once again, “they” lied to us… there is not someone for everyone! I’ve looked in the mirror, I am seriously not that hideous! I shower regularly (honest, I really do). I clean up well. I am not slouchy or walking around in shirts with stains or sweat pants (but I have been known to run to the store in my jammie pants). I have made sure I am involved in a number of different activities. I don’t wear a ton of makeup.

There you have it. This is the end of my rant. And I am no further ahead on trying to figure out why I am single and ready to mingle but wondering why I am not even making it to the “wow, I want to talk to her stage”? I truly am bewildered on this…

Please note, I did not write this to elicit pity. I wrote this because I know that there are other women out there wondering the exact same thing, why are us 40 something women making plans with each other instead of out on dates.

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Debbi Serafinchon Written by:

Just an average ordinary woman being herself on this crazy ride we call life. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I chose to bring along 4 crazy side kicks on this journey, my 4 kids. The actual realization of my journey began after my divorce. Hindsight being what it is, I realized before my divorce I was just going through the steps. My eyes are now wide open to the path ahead of me.


  1. sumguy
    October 31

    well you ARE all those things….. I for one am flabbergasted that you don’t have a flock of men!

    now as far as last night, maybe the formal setting was the reason? Can be a little intimidating… and not everyones wheelhouse

    • October 31

      Just seems to be a going theme. And it’s not just me… so many of my single friends are having the same experiences.

  2. Up2Long
    October 31

    You are gorgeous and seem like a lot of fun to be around. If you lived closer, I would flirt more. Damn Geography 😛

    Sadly, if you saw things from a man’s point of view, then you would know why we don’t even bother any more. We are called stalkers, creeps, etc … just for smiling. God forbid if we try to talk to women.

    • October 31

      This is the feedback I was looking for!! I get that you guys have it tough out there, I really do. But if I’ve smiled at you or tried to talk with you… is that that enough of an invitation? I really am dumbfounded on this. Thank you for commenting hun

  3. Up2Long
    October 31

    If a woman smiles at you ….. it’s just a smile. It can be a reciprocal social grace. It doesn’t mean it’s an invitation. 🙁

    Now, if she smiles and talks to me, I might pursue further. But, 100% of the time that will not happen.

    • October 31

      We obviously have not met. I smile and talk to people. It’s called being social. Which I happen to be 😊

  4. December 30

    I’ve had this conversation in my head from the 50 year old male perspective innumerable times. You’ve really conveyed well what it’s like trying to just be approachable with all of your wonderful assets. The odds seem stacked in your favor, but… crickets.

    • December 30

      It does perplex me at times. I’ll give you that!

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