I Failed Online Dating

Or maybe it failed me. Not really sure, but either way I deleted all my profiles. I had painstakingly put together what I thought was a pretty accurate profile of me. Really put some thought into what I wanted my dating site profile to say about me. Hell, I even tried to leave the sarcasm out! I was honest.

About Me: Witty, intellectual, fun loving, open minded, energetic, passionate about life kinda girl. A good work/life balance is important to me so I ensure that I have just the right amount of each in my every day. I love to be doing things. Cheering on my favorite sports team or participating in one myself is a great way to release that pent up work stress. I love to experience new things. Not afraid to try something new, you never know I might actually like it. I am quite comfortable with who I am. Take things in stride and always try to see the best in all. 

Interests Include: Camping, Cooking, Dining out, Gardening/Landscaping, Music and concerts, Shopping/Antiques,Travel/Sightseeing, Watching sports, Wine tasting

A Great Date Would Include: laughter, great conversation and learning a thing or 2 about each other.

I included the pictures it asked for. A couple of my smiling face, a couple full body shots, a couple of me doing my favorite things. (To be honest, I actually researched what should be included in a profile and went from there. Yes, I know. Sounds silly).

Yes, I got replies. Yes, I went out on a couple of ‘meets’ (as they are called). I even made myself go on a couple of second dates just because I felt I wasn’t giving them a fair chance. See, the problem is that I HATE online dating. I find it so easy for someone to hide behind a keyboard. You can say and be whoever you want behind a keyboard. I really did try to keep an open mind but some of them made it just so easy to for me to believe this was going to be an epic waste of my time (maybe a self-fulfilling prophecy?)

My belief that some of these guys were idiots was evident in sooooo many messages I got! It even got to the point that I had an automatic reply for those awful ‘winks’ a person could send you.

Him: Wink wink

Me: So, if you met me in a public place, would you seriously wink at me from across a crowded room. Cause if so, definitely NOT my type.

I usually didn’t get a reply back. Every now and then, one of the brave souls would message me back with ‘Ohhhh a feisty one. I like feisty’. REALLY…. Ewwwww.

More times than not, the profile I had created would not even be read. Of course, I am guessing on this. But what other explanation could there be for asking me questions that were answered in my profile?? Questions like, so what do you like to do? Do you have kids? How tall are you? Ummmmm, DID YOU READ MY FUCKIN PROFILE AT ALL, JACKASS?? Probably, not. My profile picture came up on your screen and you decided I might fit the bill. Now I get that physical attraction is important. It’s the first thing you see when looking at another person. I did the exact same thing… OOOOOO he has gorgeous eyes. Nice smile. WOW, he is hot, hot, hot. But the very next thing I would do is READ THE PROFILE.

And that is usually where the attraction ended. Either there was very little information to go one. Or the spelling was horrific (don’t get me wrong, I am not great at spelling but have you ever heard of spell check dude??). My favorite was always “I have lots of interests, just ask”. Hmmmm, isn’t that what the site did? Asked you to fill in your interests? Correct me if I’m wrong here, but under list some of your favorite things to do, shouldn’t you put something you like to do?? My other favorite was when they would actually put an activity they liked to do but hadn’t done it in forever! A great example of this was if he put camping as an interest. HEY, I like camping. So I would send him a message, where do you like to go camping? More often than not the reply would be, Oh I haven’t been camping in ages, but would love to go again (apparently some of these guys didn’t fully understand to list the things you like to do, not wished you could do. A thought just occurred to me, maybe they really did like doing it, but their significant other had organized it all and he was looking for a replacement. Maybe then he would do these activities he use to like to do. Hmmmmm… interesting thought).

I tried to go with the quantity over quality approach. The more you try to virtually meet, the better, right?? So, I would send a message. Just a quick little ice breaker. Sometimes it would go unanswered. No problem, he wasn’t interested. Or I would get a one word reply. Ok, maybe he was not really a conversationalist. Sometimes I would actually get a thoughtful response. Then it wouldn’t stop! I had one guy write me a 3 page email on why he was perfect for me and we should get married. I shit you not on this! (I really wish I had saved it). I replied back to him saying that I wasn’t really THAT interested. But he was persistent, gave me a chance to ‘think about my response and what I was giving up’. You know they have meds for whatever your delusional brain is doing, right?!

And it’s not like there isn’t tons and tons of information out there trying to help you be successful at online dating. The dating sites themselves offered a wealth of information on how to not only successfully write a good profile, but also how to go about meeting the people you were clicking on. I guess some of them ignored that part.

I tried. I really really gave it the old college effort! I had been on the sites previously and shut ‘er down after a couple of weeks. I mean, some of these guys were desperate and fuckin CRAZY! A co-worker asked me if I thought I was crazy or desperate. Ummmm, no. I don’t think so (and yes, I really did think before answering her question!). Well then, there has got to be a couple guys out there that are not either, she said. Ok, I had to give her that point. So I opened up my profile again. I promised to be more open minded (yikes) and also to keep it open for a couple of months.

The couple of months passed by. I sent some messages. I answered some messages sent to me. I went on a couple of dates. And determined that this method of meeting men was definitely NOT for me. So maybe it was more of a learning lesson than a fail.

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Debbi Serafinchon Written by:

Just an average ordinary woman being herself on this crazy ride we call life. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I chose to bring along 4 crazy side kicks on this journey, my 4 kids. The actual realization of my journey began after my divorce. Hindsight being what it is, I realized before my divorce I was just going through the steps. My eyes are now wide open to the path ahead of me.

2 Comments

  1. Jenean
    August 5
    Reply

    No…..nothing failed. The odds of you finding a normal decent guy on those websites, is next to impossible. Unfortunately, there really is no where to meet people-unless you are looking for a one night stand. As sad as it sounds, I do believe in fate. One day without looking you will dump in to someone, doing something that you love to do!
    And why change anything about yourself, to be something that you are not! I love you just the way you are.

    • justmeDebbi
      August 5
      Reply

      Thx girl! I’m happy being me & I know that everything works out. I’ve never wanted a man to complete me. I am whole. Just looking for one to add value.

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