Evolving More than Changing

e•volve ( -v lv )
v. e•volved, e•volv•ing, e•volves
v.tr.
1.
a. To develop or achieve gradually: evolve a style of one’s own.
b. To work (something) out; devise: “the schemes he evolved to line his purse” (S.J. Perelman).
2. Biology To develop (a characteristic) by evolutionary processes.
3. To give off; emit.

Change (ch nj)
v. changed, chang•ing, chang•es
v.tr.
1.
a. To cause to be different: change the spelling of a word.
b. To give a completely different form or appearance to; transform: changed the yard into a garden.
2. To give and receive reciprocally; interchange: change places.
3. To exchange for or replace with another, usually of the same kind or category: change one’s name; a light that changes colors.
4.
a. To lay aside, abandon, or leave for another; switch: change methods; change sides.
b. To transfer from (one conveyance) to another: change planes.
5. To give or receive the equivalent of (money) in lower denominations or in foreign currency.
6. To put a fresh covering on: change a bed; change the baby.

 


 

I had to put the dictionary definitions because I wanted to show that there is actually a difference. I even went on Thesaurus.com to see if change came up as a synonym for evolve. Nope, it did not. Yes, there is a reason that I am making this very clear.

Over the last 5 years, I have had more than a few people tell me I have changed. Each time it is said, I think to myself ”Really, I don’t see a change in me at all”. But as I look at the two definitions, I see that I have evolved not changed.

I am still me, the essence of me anyway. In the words of a very good friend, I am (and I quote) “You project independence and a sense you have a strong grasp on your life. A huge reservoir of concern. You listen. You are centered. You’re a big personality. You expect you in people.” Now, I am no different than most people. I do not take compliments well. And why is that? Why is it so hard for people to hear the good things about themselves? If that had been the other way around, and I was told all the negative things, I would have been ya… I do have some things to work on. But this friend laid out some good qualities and I am trying to think on the positive side, so with a blush, I thanked him.

And you know what, I am all those things he said. The one that gets me the most though is that I expect me in other people. After thinking about it, yes I do. And maybe that is not a good thing. Or maybe it is. I firmly believe that you should say what you mean and mean what you say. The words coming out of your mouth had better match your actions. I mean why say them if you don’t believe or live them?

I run into people in my life everyday that don’t say what they mean and mean what they say. Bosses, clients, old friends, family, my kids, the grocery store clerk (we all know you’re not fine). Every where, there are people that just say things and don’t really believe them or live them.

Ok, back to the reason for THIS blog….

So I believe that I am evolving. Becoming more self-aware. Becoming a better person because of it. I have said in the past that I say things most others would never dream of saying out loud. I’m not afraid to put it out there. Not afraid to show my true colors, so to speak. I have said many times, I am who I am. I have also said that I am not very eloquent about it. The truth I speak tends to be harsh (something I am currently working on. Trying to take a softer approach with the truth as I see it. Let’s just say, it’s a work in progress).

I also tend to have very little patience for those that don’t say what they mean and mean what they say. This has ruined friendships in fact. So has my harsh way of speaking my mind. I think they kind of go hand in hand.

I would be lying if I said I don’t judge. I love to people watch! And trust me, I judge. And I also form an opinion on people right away. Not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing but I have always said that I try to trust my instincts. I know within a minute or two if I will like someone or not. But I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. And sometimes I think I see their strength before they see it. But if a person continues to have the same issues over and over and continues to try to solve them the same way over and over and nothing changes…. Then HELLO??? LEARN FROM THIS AND MOVE ON!! I mean the definition of insanity (according to Albert Einstein) is doing the same things over and over the same way, expecting different results.

I am not immune to this either. I have hit my head against the same brick wall many times. WHY IS THIS ALWAYS TURNING OUT THE SAME WAY?? Ummmm, Deb… have you stepped back to look at this?? My ex use to say something along the lines of if the problem continues, maybe you’re the common denominator. And he is right (no, that didn’t even hurt to say that). My therapist put it in a different way. We get use to the dance steps of our dance partner. So if we always engage the same way, the same dance will ensue. Change YOUR steps and the dance changes. And believe me, when you change the steps of a dance that your partner is use to, it gets ugly before it gets better. But it does get better, for one person. YOURSELF.

I love to read what are labelled ‘self-help books’. I love to try and figure out why I do certain things certain ways. I love to try and figure out what makes me tick. I am not perfect and I will never claim to be. I make mistakes just like every other human being out there. But if you think I have little patience for it in someone else, you should see how much I loath it in myself when I don’t say what I mean and mean what I say. It’s not a pretty picture. I have danced many dances the exact same way, hoping for a different result. But I always try to learn from why it’s not working. Try to figure out what I can do differently.

But no, I don’t believe that I have changed. Not at all. But I do believe that I am evolving.

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Debbi Serafinchon Written by:

Just an average ordinary woman being herself on this crazy ride we call life. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I chose to bring along 4 crazy side kicks on this journey, my 4 kids. The actual realization of my journey began after my divorce. Hindsight being what it is, I realized before my divorce I was just going through the steps. My eyes are now wide open to the path ahead of me.

2 Comments

  1. August 19
    Reply

    Debbi, you are a wonderful woman! I am very happy to have met you. Much of this blog feels as if it has come out of my own head (in specifically the points of expecting yourself in others, mean what you say, say what you mean!). Good for your for evolving, seeking, & learning. That is, afterall, what makes us who we are, and hopefully shapes us into better people!

    • justmeDebbi
      August 19
      Reply

      Just learning and growing and loving life!

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