Therapy. Oooooo its a dirty, dirty word. Whispered in circles everywhere. Shhhhh don’t tell anyone if you’re in (whispered) therapy.
You all know that figuring out your jumbled thoughts is not contagious, right? I wish it were. More people would benefit from seeing a therapist!
Why is it, when it’s something to do with the brain, people assume you should just be able to get a grip, solve the problem, ‘cure’ themselves? If you knew someone who lost an arm, would ya look at him and tell him to grow another? Of course not! So why do we think it would work for the issues in your brain?
Yes, I’ve seen a therapist. The coolest lady that I’ve ever met. Yes, she had a couch. No, I was never encouraged to lay down. Although many times I believed a nap for an hour would have solved so many of my problems! Yes, she asked me ‘how does that make you feel?” many, many times. And yes, she was equally prepared for my ‘how the fuck should I know?’ answer. I mean, wasn’t she the professional? Couldn’t she figure out WHAT I was feeling? I was paying her dammit!
On more than one occasion I was told to sit with it. SIT WITH IT?? But I had been sitting with it! THAT’S WHY I’M HERE LADY! “Think about it” she would say next. Only then was I allowed to answer. Many times the answer was through tears because I knew how it made me feel, I just didn’t want to admit it. And so we continued this way for months. Every second week, I would show up. We’d talk. Eventually I started giving in the this process. And low and behold I learned something! I learned that feelings, good AND bad, were ok! It was ok to feel the way I felt. It was normal, actually.
We continued this way every second week for months. Then one session I figured out I didn’t need her. I knew how I felt before she asked and I was dealing with it. I OWNED IT! Holy shit! I think I passed! That was the beginning of my journey of self discovery. Almost 6 yrs ago. Well not the beginning of my journey but the beginning of discovering that feelings were ok. ALL feelings. For so many years I hid the sad or mad or wounded part of me. Or I thought I had. Funny thing, as I look back, I see that I was the world’s worst player of hide and seek with my feelings. Those feeling were coming out, just not in productive ways.
By no means am I an expert. I would never suggest that I have the answers. But I know that it worked for me and would I go back if I needed help unjumbling again? You bet your sweet ass I would. If you think your thoughts are jumbled, even just slightly… please, just talk to someone. Seek out some help with those thoughts. The first therapist may not be the right one for you. Or the second. You need to find one out that works with and for you. But I guarantee there’s one out there that’s a perfect fit for you.
And just like if you’d lost a limb or one of your senses, you would need help figuring out how to deal with it. They call it rehab. It’s no different just because its your brain. From time to time you just might benefit from getting some expert advice on how to move forward with all those jumbled thoughts.