As the year 2009 approached, I was ready. Items I needed for the new place were all stacked up in the garage. The ex and I had gone thru the house, deciding on what I was taking and what was staying. I wanted to make this as easy as possible for everyone so not much was coming out of that house. Besides, when you’re making a clean break, it’s not like you want to take the old stuff with you.
It was agreed that I would take the furniture in the family room (minus the shattered glass TV stand), the sectional from the loft, a few odds and ends, a couple of TVs and one of the computers. I had spent the time going thru all of the other stuff and really there were only a few boxes that I packed that contained items from what would become his house in just a few days. I had new linens, new towels, new dishes, new glasses, new kitchen utensils, new lamps, new mostly everything.
Ok funny story… As I was packing up some of the items from the kitchen the ex asked if I was taking all the baking dishes. Well, ummm, I DID do all the baking and such. Ok, I guess I could leave a few things. Then we got to the cook books. Most of those I considered mine, but he asked if I was taking those as well. My ex did not spend a lot of time in the kitchen. Granted I was a stay at home Mom for most of our marriage, so naturally I did most of the cooking. I guess I could leave him a couple, thinking the whole time that he was going to need more than a few baking dishes and cook books in order to feed the kids. He had a few specialities that he made but I was pretty sure the kids would get sick of goulash after a while. Side Note: The kids did not go hungry, the ex really stepped it up and made sure that more than goulash was served for dinner. Back to the story…
I managed to get the keys to my new house a few days early, so I had been loading up my Suburban and taking it to the new place every day for a week or so. I had booked a moving van for shortly after the New Year to bring the bigger stuff and had the deliveries of other items I had purchased all booked. Kid’s bedroom furniture, my bedroom furniture, coffee table & end tables, desk for the computer, and a new kitchen dining room set.
As we had gone through the house, deciding what I would take, he asked about the master bedroom furniture that had just been purchased not that long ago. HELL NO I didn’t want the master bedroom set! I was making a fresh start. Taking that particular furniture held no interest what so ever for me. But the dining room table and chairs were a completely different story. I had spent so much time picking out the most perfect dining room set. I am HUGE into my family sitting down at the table for dinner, so that table meant a lot to me. For me, it is very important that we eat dinner as a family. It was (and still is) the one time of the day, we could all get together and talk about what was going on in our lives. Over the last number of years of the marriage, that time had turned into the kids and me sitting around the table eating dinner without the ex. The kid’s extracurricular activities saw us eating dinner earlier than my ex could make it home from running his business. Many times we would have dinner a little earlier in order to rush out the door to whatever activity was happening that evening. With 4 kids, we seemed to always be on the go.
If memory serves me correctly, that dining room table seated 12 when all the extensions were in. A few Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinners were celebrated around that table with extended family and friends. Although it was a fairly new set, I wanted that table and chairs! It held memories for me. But the tape measure did not lie (insert sad face here).
I measured and remeasured my new kitchen eating area. I measured and remeasured the dining room table. The ex even came over to my new place and measured the kitchen eating area (remember, denial phase…). That table was not going to fit no matter how hard I wished it would. And so I did what any grown ass adult woman would do… I sat in the middle of my new kitchen floor with tears running down my cheeks. But I WANTED it to fit! I WANTED that table in this new kitchen! And as the ex looked on, not knowing what to do, I threw a grown ass adult woman temper tantrum. Had a good cry over what I think was more about my life changes than that table. But right then, it was about the table.
Finally as the tears stopped flowing, the ex found some words that offered the advice that I would make it work with a new table. It made more sense to purchase a table that would fit nicely in my new kitchen eating area. His words were about a dining room table, but I was thinking bigger. I knew that I would make new memories around whatever table I chose to put in that kitchen. I knew that family dinners would continue. The kids and I (and whoever else we invited over) would continue to share meals and talk about our days. Future Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinners would be held at whatever table I put in that space. We would continue to share our stories along with meals around a new table, sitting on new chairs.
I smiled. Yes. I would make it work with a new table.