Some days being single sucks! There I said it. No, I’m not looking for the aww, you’ll find someone. I’m not looking for the sympathy. I’m just stating a fact. In many of my blogs I talk about how I will not settle for just anyone. That I will wait for the ‘one’. And I will. Make no mistake about that! But some days, being single is exactly that… being just one. Now, don’t get me wrong. Most days I am quite fine with it. But we all have days where life is just not quite what you thought it would be or should be.
I think as humans we long for that connection. That we were not meant to go it alone. That we need that feeling of belonging. Not just to your family, your kids or your friends but that someone special. I have many connections. I do many things. I have a very rich life. Time spent with my friends. Giggles over a glass of wine with the girls. Holidays spent in a warm environment with my family. Cheering loudly as one of my kids does something amazing on the court or field. I have lots of people in my life that love me. I am, indeed, a very lucky person. But some days… well some days I long for more.
Some days, I am sick of paying the bills by myself. Some days another income would be amazing! To have a little extra to play with. For new furniture. Or a trip. Or just something extra without having to worry about it. A joint account where some of your money and some of his money goes in each month to cover the necessities. And then an account of my own, a fun fund. Some days I wish I didn’t have to pull into my driveway and wonder how I am going to afford new shingles. Or as I am sitting in my backyard, not have to wonder if I will ever be able to afford the fence and trees I would like to put up.
Some days, trying a new recipe sucks. No one to have as a guinea pig to try an outlandish recipe on. Cooking for one is difficult. And quite honestly, I hate it. I hate eating alone. I hate trying to cut back on a recipe for just one. I always end up with leftovers. And there is no one to tell you it is wonderful or horrible. No one to suggest to just order pizza instead. And don’t even get me started on groceries! I buy them. I bag them. I bring them home. I put them away. Yes, all me.
Some days my house is too quiet. The weeks the kids aren’t here, my house feels extra-large. Too much space for my thoughts to run free in. There is no one to answer my silly questions. No one to listen to me ramble on. No one to roll their eyes at me over something I may have done or not done, for that matter. No one to yell at to turn down the music. No one to run into when coming around the corner with an arm full of laundry. No one to blame that the kitchen is a disaster. Or just why is this thing that belongs in the garage in the middle of my living room!
Some days, laundry for one feels like a larger chore than doing it for a family. Throwing in just your clothes. A few outfits from the week. Seems like such a waste for that small amount of clothes. No one to ask to move the stuff out of the washer into the dryer. No one to help you fold it. No one to wonder why the other side of the bed is filled with clean clothes that haven’t been put away.
Some days, my king sized bed is just too big. Its surface area feels like vast waste land. No one to cuddle my cold ass up too. No one to complain I stole all the covers. No one to elbow and tell them to stop snoring. Or have them elbow me! Those nights, when that happens, I move out to the couch to sleep. I curl into the cushions. Feeling like I have something to lean on. On the couch it doesn’t feel so empty.
Some days my daily tasks or chores seem overwhelming to do by myself. Run here. Pick up this. Drop off that. Oh shit, I forgot the milk. And you have to run out again to pick some up. No one to call to ask them to stop and grab some. No one to split the chores with. No one to ask for help with those everyday things we do.
No sitting on the couch wondering why he watches the stupid shows he does. No getting pissed at him cause he breaths to loud or blinks too often. No wondering what his thoughts are. No seeing the towel from his shower, earlier on in the day, still laying on the floor. No huffing over the fact he left his socks laying in the middle of the living room YET AGAIN! No trying to figure out if he is late because of traffic or because he is trying to get under my skin! No walking into the kitchen to find his dirty dishes in the sink, mere inches from the damn dishwasher.
Some days being single sucks. For all those practical reasons and then there are the other reasons.
No quiet touch from a lover. Not a single word spoken, just “being” with each other. No gentle brush of his body as we pass in the hall. No catching him watching you getting ready in the morning with a silly smile on his face. No “I’m just thinking of you” texts throughout the day. No impromptu lunches just because he was in the neighborhood. No flowers sitting on your desk to remind you that he loves you. No walking through the door at the end of the day knowing that there is someone there that has got your back. No one to sigh gently at when he asks about your day. No one to give you that hug that says “I’m here” when it feels like the whole world has walked out on you. No one to sit quietly with in the evenings after running kids here there and everywhere. No one to ask if they won or lost. No one to curl up to and warm that cold ass on in the bed. No one to reach out to, in the middle of the night when you wake up with a start. No one to kill the spiders.
So yes, some days being single sucks.