Day 2 for #writeyourselfalive
Are we allowed only one chance at being born? In the same context, are we allowed only one chance at death?
Having looked the word up in the dictionary, it says that the meaning is any coming into existence. One definition of death is the destruction or ending of something. By those definitions, I have experienced birth and death a number of times. All as painful and laborious as the act of birth or death.
Each time we go through a period of personal change, it can be viewed as a death and a birth. Each time I have experienced a change in myself, I have gone through a destruction of sorts. I have rendered my old ways of thinking to be ineffective or useless. From these ashes of what I ways I once believed to be true, I have started brought into existence new ideals and ways to view situation.
I have lost count at this point in my 46 years just how many times this has happened. I suppose the number really is irrelevant at this point anyway. Just the fact that I let it happen, this birth and death process, is significant.
Each time has been as painful as the last, this I am sure of. Each time I have killed off my old inefficient way of tackle the world, I have really forced myself to give birth to new ways of dealing. Change is never easy. It forces us to look within ourselves and to question what we believe to be true. At times it has cause me to question myself.
I have no recollection of the actual process my mother went through to bring me into the world but I know it happened. I’m living proof of that process. Having giving life to 4 beings myself, I know it was painful as hell! And looking back on some of the transformations my life has gone through, the physical pain was not present as I pushed myself into a new world, but the emotion pain sure was.
Letting go of our old selves, the death of who we were to achieve who we are is sad and somber. At times we hold on so tight and blame the world around us for causing these changes. Very similar to when my grandfather died. I actually yelled out to whoever was listening, asking why this had to happen!?
So when asked if I remembered the day I was born, I had a tough time with that one because I feel like I have died and been born again many times to be who I am today. And I am sure that it will happen many more times before my time on earth is up.
But at the end of it all, I know with certainty that I did it my way, on my time and on my own terms.