Where to start? What a week.
I returned from Nashville on Monday evening after an amazing weekend with a friend. I managed to unpack shortly after arriving home Monday night, which is something I never ever accomplish! Maybe that should have been my clue the universe was up to something. Got to bed at a decent hour on Monday, so that I would be up and at ‘em for work Tuesday morning.
Tuesday, I woke to feeling refreshed and ready to tackle what promised to be a busy week at work. We were having an appreciation deal on Thursday for our customers and much needed to be finished up for that to happen. I headed off to work like I always do; coffee and an open road ahead. I arrived as I always do. Parked in the same spot as I always do. Walked into the back door, as I always do. Greeted everyone, as I always do. Filled up my coffee mug and headed back into my office to get things going. That’s about where the “as I always do” ends. My boss followed me into my office with a fellow colleague. The door was closed. “Hey ladies. What’s up?” I asked. It was not uncommon to have a quick update behind closed doors, so I was still unsuspecting at this point. A piece of paper was slide across my desk to me. I reached for it still thinking about all I had on my plate for the week. As my eyes scanned the letter and the words were being spoken, I felt like I was experiencing an out of body experience.
“… you should seek legal counsel before signing…. Blah, blah, blah”.
I was being terminated. Let go. Fired. Canned. This was completely a shock to me. I mean a complete shock to me.
“No. I don’t need to talk to anyone” I answered as I signed the letter. No, I don’t need to come back after hours to gather my things in my office that I had brought in to make it homey. No I didn’t need boxes to put all that stuff in. No I didn’t need your help with any of that right now!!
I went out to my car to bring it closer to the door. I was in shock. Complete shock. Not only had I never been ‘terminated”, I did not seeing this coming at all. So I gathered my wits about me and my belongings. Said good bye to a few of my coworkers (who were just as shocked by the way) and left. It took all of 15 minutes for my world to be changed. As I drove home, I realized I didn’t feel sad. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t anything. So why was my face wet? What was up with these tears splashing down onto my lap? WTF??
I was embarrassed. My ego was bruised. I had never been fired before. Now, I can take constructive criticism better than some but this really was taking that too far! It was quite obvious at this point that my work and effort was not appreciated. Ok then.
I headed to where I do my best thinking. A body of water. I spent about an hour gathering my wits and decided that I needed a week before I was going to start looking for a new job. And once that decision was made, I was good with it. An extended holiday if you will from the one I had just returned from. Time to clean my house. Get kids ready for school. And on and on.
Well, the universe had other plans.
Wednesday night my youngest daughter decided to test my patience a little too far. She is currently making some real dumb decisions although she is a very bright kid. It’s called teen age thinking. Or lack of thinking! Anyway, she caused me a sleepless night on Wednesday. Things will need to change for her in a very short time frame, because as a Mom, it is my job to step in when her brain steps out. So that is being dealt with.
Thursday we had an extremely busy day, running here, there and everywhere. Groceries. Football camp. Orthodontic appointments. Let’s just say, unemployment is freakin EXHAUSTING! One of the last appointments we had was at the vets. Our puppies of 6 months needed their shots and Austin had not been doing very well. He has had some issues for about 3 months and it did not look like it was getting better.
As we sat there (the teens and I) listening to the vet talk about degenerative bone disease and possible tumors in 3 of his legs, I felt the tears again. Only difference with this time, this was not a shock. I knew that Austin was not doing well. I knew in my heart that I was going to have to make a very difficult decision about him soon. Well, today was that day. I zoned in on the kids as the vet explained how things would work. I really didn’t hear a word he was saying as I watched my 6’3” 16 year old son dissolved into a puddle on the floor beside Austin. I didn’t hear the vet’s explanation as I heard my 14 year old daughter sigh a deep sigh as she wiped tears away. I didn’t hear any of his words. After that everything is a blur. There was much activity around Austin as they prepped him to take his last breaths. His sister, Audi, was beside herself with all the happenings. She stood over him. She laid on him. She dropped her head onto his and laid with him. Heart breaking to watch. The tears flowed freely as Austin finally left us to go to a pain free world. One where I hope he can chase his tail, eat endless treats and run around like a puppy should. We will miss him dearly, but we made the right decision. Audi is sticking close to us today, Friday. I think she has chosen Parker (14 year old) as her new litter mate. I know she will adjust, but it is very difficult to watch her run around looking for her brother.
So today is Friday and I am done. This week couldn’t have ended soon enough. Honestly. The kids and I have decided to flip the world the bird, pack up the trailer and head out to the lake. Just the four of us; Mason, Parker, Audi and I. I think a little downtime is needed.
This week has really tested my strength. But I am going to be ok. I bend. I don’t break. I weather the storms that life wants to throw at me. I cry when I need to cry. Laugh when I need to laugh. Deal when I need to deal. It’s called life. And this week has really knocked me on my ass, but I will get up, slowly brush myself off, look life straight in the eye and say “really? Life, you punch like a bitch.”
Maybe tomorrow though.